Do you ever feel that you would live a happier and more joyful life if specific people were not a part of it?
Never is it simple to make the decision to remove somebody from your life. Also, with regards to family, it’s particularly difficult to acknowledge that a family member is a big cause of your pain, tension and stress. So much that you make a decision that you just can not keep on having a relationship with them.
For every one of you who are trying to decide if you should discontinue a relationship with a toxic family member, this is for you. It feels that over and over again, you are hurt by this individual. You have attempted vigorously to fix the relationship, but always end up feeling baffled and frustrated that nothing ever changes.
So when is it appropriate and when is it time to end a relationship with a family member?
As difficult as this is, there is no one answer. There are many toxic traits and and the severity of them. Toxic individuals can add stress and, anxiety and anger to your life by repetitively using bahaviours listed below.
Blowing up often
Discrediting or disregarding your emotions
Underminding your relationship with your companion, kids, or different family members
Belittling your dreams or beliefs
Gaslighting (an incredible type of control that makes you question your impression of what’s happening)
Declining to settle or talk about issues
Gossiping about you behind your back
Shouting, reviling, or calling you names
You always feel worse after being with them
They are always right and you are always wrong
Setting outlandish expectations
Feeling that you should always support them, however they aren’t there to support you when needed
Undermining self destruction or self-hurt so as to get their direction
Destroying occasions and unique events
Playing the victim always
Never apologising and if they do, it comes off as fake and shallow
Lacking concern or joy for you and your life
Make people think that it’s ‘You’ and never taking responsibility
While it’s true that many individuals can change, yet it is also true that toxic individuals rarely do. They never like the outer world to think that they did anything wrong and that will never change. Rather, they just continue to find it easier to blame you.
Here are some reasons why we continuously battle to cut binds with a toxic family member.
- We love them
We love this person and look past their abusive behaviour, even trying to excuse it is ways. We don’t want to ‘not’ have them in our lives. Even if we cut ties, it doesn’t mean we ever stop loving them.
- Family expectations
We grew up believing that family should always be there for each other, to take care of each other over all and above everything else. Some people looking at cutting of a family member as being a big mistake, so we feel guilt. But realise that these expectations are only fair if the relationship is healthy and not continuously toxic, hurtful and harmful to you. Don’t feel selfish for doing what is best for you.
- We fear life without them. We fear change
Fear tends to keep many of us in toxic relationships for too long. To cut ties with a family member that has been in your life for as long you can remember can be very sad and scary regardless of the relationship having always been toxic. It seems that sometimes we find it easier to stay with the familiarity of something hurtful than to let it go, even if it is toxic to our lives. This is where you need to give yourself time after cutting ties. Gather a support system that you trust to help you through.
- You have a past together
Some good times and happy memories may be tied to this person. You may even cherish them and some memories. But we all know that love isn’t enough to make a relationship healthy and to make it work, weather it’s a romantic relationship, friendship, parent-child relationship etc. Sometimes we love people, but just can’t continue a relationship with them.
- When you choose to cut ties
It’s not a good feeling having to cut ties with a toxic family member. Regardless of the situation, we still find it difficult and do not want to hurt them. But saying that, the truth is that continuing to stay in a relationship with someone who continues to be selfish and toxic and is unhealthy for you and for your well being regardless how long you have pondered about this decision.
Remember that staying in a relationship and feeling all that comes with a toxic relationship can affect the life of your children and your partner and everyone around you also.