- Always focussing on what is wrong:
When you walk into a room, do you first notice the ugly chairs or the beautiful shade on the walls? When you see someone, do you notice the hairstyle you would never get or do you focus on the way they smile or the calming sound of their voice? When you focus on the good, you will begin to automatically see what is right as apposed to focusing on what is wrong. This awareness will bring you more joy as you focus on letting all the goodness fill your soul.
“Focus on the good and more good will come
2. Hurrying Through Life:
Slow down. Slow down. Slow down. Life isn’t a race to run through. Don’t rush through being constantly busy, it goes by fast enough. We all get to the end, so why rush there? Take time in your day to cherish the little moments, the little things that make you smile, those little unexpected moments that warm your heart. Stop and breath in nature, smell the flowers. Really look into a child’s eyes and listen attentively when they speak. Take in the love, the laughter, the little moments of life, while you are there and completely present in them. Regularly, take quiet time alone for you, and let it be a place that brings you peace and perhaps some clarity in your thoughts. Some people find that being by the ocean, by the beach, or by the mountains or anything as far as nature goes can bring them peace. What brings you peace and clarity is gold for your soul.
“Don’t be so rushed through life that you forget to cherish the little moments
3. Lack of gratitude:
I’m sure you have heard it before that when you are grateful for all you have, it seems that more goodness gravitates towards you. I truly believe this. I’ve seen it happen in life. I believe that being grateful for every little thing in our lives is so important. Be grateful for all you have, big and small.
“Gratitude is about loving all that you have in life”.
4. Living the “I’ll be happy when” motto:
Life is precious. We don’t know how much longer we have here on earth.. may it be three weeks or thirty years. So many people seem to postpone their happiness until something they are waiting to happen finally arrives. Some put their happiness on hold waiting for a new career, meeting the right person, next year’s holiday, for Friday etc. They never just enjoy the ‘Now’, where they are in this very moment, right now. Don’t be the person who puts off happiness waiting all week for Friday, or all year for summer. We need to learn to enjoy and be happy with all the little things that are sprinkled into our lives along life’s path. Don’t wish your life away. Learn to live in the moment. It’s where happiness is.
“Life and happiness are only ever guaranteed in the present moment”
5. Talking Excessively:
When we are constantly talking, we don’t hear the world around us. When you become quiet and talk less, you will be available to hear important information and to just be present and to really listen, to others, to your heart, your soul. We can learn a great amount if we really begin to focus on listening to our inner voice, to people and to the world around us more.
“Listening is an art that we should all learn to create”
Regardless of why a marriage ends, whether it was your decision or your partner’s decision or maybe it was a mutual agreement. You may have children, pets, or not none of either. You may have been married for many years or perhaps just a short while. Regardless, the question that you may have in your mind is now what? Where do I go from here? How do I adapt to life as a single person? How do I move forward from here?
First things first is that you need to allow yourself time to mourn the loss of your marriage. Regardless who’s decision or what took place, you will still feel a loss. You got married and wanted it to last forever. You need to let yourself grieve through this emotional process. You may feel guilt or remorse over what you could have done or what you didn’t do, what you could have said and what you didn’t say. You may replay some aspects over and over in your mind. Remember that this is normal.
Learn to fall in love with who you are. Most importantly during this time because you may have feelings of low self-esteem for a variety of reasons including not being able to make your marriage work, guilt over your children now having divorced parents and a broken home. We tend to internalise some things in life at times and make it all about us. But it isn’t and this is far from the end of the world. Life goes on and you can happily adjust to life again. You deserve this. You deserve happiness! So during this time, work on building your confidence and talking to yourself in a positive way. You are so worthy of all good things in life. Some people have found that therapy helped them to move on through the loss of divorce. Others were able to work through it and move forward without therapy. If you feel this would help, don’t hesitate to seek assistance in dealing with your emotions and in learning to move forward in your life.
Learn new things. Take up an activity or a new hobby that you think you may enjoy. Or maybe there are things you enjoyed to do, but your partner didn’t. Maybe your partner liked to always stay at home and you didn’t. Now is the time to rediscover what you once enjoyed all over again. Perhaps you enjoyed long drives, boating, travelling, camping, theatres, listening to a good band etc., but missed out on those. Rediscover you again and what you love. Learn to embrace the idea of change, as long as the change is healthy.
Being alone doesn’t mean ‘Alone’ all the time. Hang out with old friends, be open to making new friends, join a singles group. The transition means that you will get to make all of your decisions on your own, which you haven’t done in a long time. You can choose the restaurant you go to, the band you want to listen to, the meals you make, the concert of your choice, what movies you want to watch and you don’t have to be in an any rush do decide any of it!
Embrace your new role in life. You aren’t alone in the world, and especially when it comes to finding your way and picking yourself back up after divorce. You deserve happiness and all the beautiful things that life has to offer!